"Having Compassion One of Another..."

I think one of the most beautiful scriptures in the Bible, is 1 Peter 3:8- "Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous."

In one of my favorite talks given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, he speaks about how to best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or someone you love.  He goes on to say how no matter what the mental disorder may be, whether it is depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolarity, a chromosonal defect, schizophrenia, etc- that as bewildering as these might be that these are the realities of mortal life. That because of these realities there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden apparence of a malignant tumor. 

Honestly, I coudln't agree more with this statement. Why is it so hard to admit that we might struggle emotionally when we can so easily admit when we have a physical ailment? I think for most people, including myself its humility. Our society has given such a stigma to mental illness.  That if you struggle from any form of it, you are a freak, not a good person, unloveable, defective, unsuccessful, unable to contribute to society, and the list goes on and on.  This really couldn't be further from the truth.  Some of the most successful, loving, and funny people I know have struggled with mental illness.  Most of them depression.  There should be no shame in any of this.  People should not be afraid to seek help or get on medication just because society shames them.

The first time I struggled with depression was when I was a freshmen at BYU.  Growing up in a small Oklahoma town, my mom said I went from being a big fish in a little sea, to a little fish in a big sea.  Which I guess there is some truth to that, but I think mainly depression was just genetic for me.  It runs in my family and it is something that I have watched my mom suffer from my entire life.  I didn't always understand it growing up, nor did I have the type of compassion for her that I do now, but she is my best friend, my biggest supporter, and understands me better than anyone. My heart breaks for her that she has struggled with this demon as well.

 You see depression isn't just like a bad hair day, or tax season approaching, or not getting picked for the cheerleading team.  Depression is dark, it is endless, it is lonely, and it is completely debilitating.  When I first started experiencing depression during summer school at BYU, I honestly didn't know what was going on.  Being a very social person that likes to laugh and make others laugh, I started to become completely withdrawn.  Again most of this was tied to my OCD (but remember I had not been diagnosed with that until I was 32... I was 18).  I had just moved to Provo and out of my parents house.  I had dated the same guy for the majority of my life thus far and had all of the same friends since elementary school.  So obviously I had some major changes all at once.  Changes that were exciting to most of the people I came across, but in so many ways they were terrifying with me.  Almost immediately I became severely anorexic.  (My main compulsion for my OCD at the time) I would average about 600 calories a day and I lived in the gym.  I remember walking across campus in the hot desert sun dying of thirst.  I was also restricting fluids and water, so I was completely dehydrated.  Once I reached my class I allowed myself three sips of water from the water fountain and each sip that I took made my anxiety rise. I lost 20 lbs my first full three weeks in Utah.  (I didn't have 20 lbs to lose, but had massive body dysmorphia- more about that later.)

The anoriexa, depression, and OCD continued to get worse and peaked during the fall and winter semesters.  I eventually got to a point where I was missing way more class than I was attending and would only leave my room to go to the bathroom or take a shower.  I basically cut everyone out of my life and lost interest in everything that made me happy.  My self esteem was at an all time low and I hated myself.  What made matters worse, was I really had no reason to be depressed.  I got into the college of my choice and had a very fortunate life.  That made me more depressed. The only thing I really threw myself into was my eating disorder.  It utterly consumed my every move. 

Now I could go on and on about woe is me, but I am honestly geting annoyed reliving all this crap.  The point is this.  Depression isn't something you or someone else can snap out of.  There is no magic spell or  Gennie that can save you.  It just is.  It sucks. Its hell. That is where compassion comes into play.  Whether you are the one that is depressed or it is your best friend, HAVE COMPASSION. 

If you are depressed-

1) Have Faith
2) Get on your knees
3) Remember that Christ died for us on the cross and took upon all of our pain, illness, and sin. He knows exactly what you are going through.
4) Seek Help.
5) Talk it out. Whether it be with  a counselor, your spouse, your best friend. Talk about your feelings don't let them get bottled up.
6) If you need to, talk to a doctor about an anti-depressant. Treat this as you would any physical illness.
7) Don't isolate yourself or cut your friends off.
8) Get out of the house. Get fresh air.
9) Get some form of exercise.
10) Don't lose hope and whatever you do, DO NOT END IT.

If someone you know is depressed-

The message here is simple.  Don't try to fix everything, because you can't. It will be frustrating, but try and be patient.  Have compassion, be loving, and be kind. Try not to be judgmental.  Most of all, listen.

"Trust in God.  Hold on in His love.  Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee.  Though we may feel we are "like a broken vessel," as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter.  Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.  While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind."- Jeffrey R. Holland

--To my wonderful family, husband, and friends.  Thank you for always having compassion and loving me unconditionally. xoxo