It's time to Open My Heart

For those of you that know me, you know that my name is Lyndsee. For those of you that don't know me, well my name is still Lyndsee. Good joke right?!?  I am 35, happily married, have an almost 3 year old little boy, and an 11 week old little girl.  I love to laugh and at times say things that are probably inappropriate. My husband tells me that my filter is well, non-existent at times.  Oops!

I honestly wish I was starting a super fun fashion blog, doing amazing photoshoots, and getting freebies from Anthropologie and Makeup Forever, but unfortunately that is not the case.  And you know what? That is totally okay.  This is me. This is the raw me and although I love clothes, and shoes, and makeup, I also know that God has blessed me to go through some pretty tough things and given me a mouth that never shuts up, in hopes that I can help other people.  Before my son was born back in 2011 I started a blog to help others with eating disorders,anxiety, and depression,  but that was before I was actually diagnosed for the root cause of all of these.--OCD- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Before I go off on too much of a tangent, I started that blog, got pregnant, and then never slept again. Just kidding, kind of. :)

In all honesty, I started that blog in the spring of 2011 and then found out I was pregnant in July of 2011.  It seems like the minute I got pregnant everything changed. (which is obvious, but my psychological state changed for sure.) It changed so much, to the point that I could barely function in daily life, let alone work on my blog. I took this next paragraph from www.maternalocd.org to go into greater detail.

"Until recently OCD in pregnancy and after having a baby had received very little research attention. However recent studies suggest that OCD is more common at this time than other times in life. Some people develop OCD for the first time either during pregnancy or afterwards, whilst others find that pre-existing symptoms worsen. This increase in the incidence of OCD is likely to be related to the fact that pregnancy and early parenthood is a time when moms are naturally focused on the safety of their developing child and feel particularly responsible for them. The normal stress and uncertainties of becoming a parent can also play a role."

For me, well as long as I can remember I have always always struggled with OCD.  I have memories dating back as early as five years old. I guess I was one of those people, where the pre-existing conditions worsen.  The awful thing about it was I never knew I had OCD. I didn't even know what OCD was until I was diagnosed during my pregnancy with Logan.  Now before I go on much further, I don't want anyone that is reading this, to think that I am trying to  glorify or brag about my experiences.  I mean lets be honest.  If we all lived in a perfect world, we would never let others know that we have struggled.  We would never admit that we have been depressed, anxious, recovered from anorexia/bulimia, have ADD, or struggle/ed with OCD on a daily basis.  We would just keep all that fun stuff a secret.  Which in reality, is what I want to do... But you know what? If it wasn't for some key people in my life (that I will tell you about later) I absolutely, 100%, would not be writing this blog right now.  If it wasn't for the courage of others and their willingness to humble themselves, I would have never known there were other people like me.  Other women like me, and even other mothers like me.  I feel like I have been given a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance, and each day the numbers increase.  Because you know what? Some days are really hard.  There are some days where I just want to crawl in a hole.  There was a time when I was 7 months pregnant with Logan that I truly didn't know how I was going to make it, I just knew that I absolutely had no other choice.  I am thankful to God that I admitted myself to the hospital to get the help that I needed.  I am thankful to God that I was able to get a proper diagnosis of OCD, and I am thankful to God every time I look at my loving husband, parents, siblings, and beautiful children that there were wonderful doctors and nurses out there that helped me through such a trying time.  That there were other bloggers, authors, and people just like me, that weren't afraid to tell their story and let me know that there wasn't anything wrong with me.   I hope that when people google OCD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc, that God will lead them to my blog, just like he did for me.  I am not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist, nor do I claim to be, but I am just a regular mom trying to take each day as it comes.  I am a regular person that struggles just like the next.  I feel like through my experiences I have become a more compassionate and loving person.  I have become less judgmental and more empathetic.  If by telling my story and posting my thoughts helps just one person...than my job here is done.  Welcome to my blog and I pray that God gives me the guidance to help that one person who needs it.